Thursday, May 14, 2009

My Fears


That is all.

Haha.. no seriously. The Hubs and I have decided to homeschool Luke and Eli (and any others God gives us!) This statement makes me nervous. I actually get butterflies in my stomach.. not the fluttery ones but the ones that make you want to puke. In the future I'll blog about why we've chosen to homeschool (this is a decision that we've talked about, prayed about over the past few years) but today I just want to share my fears.

Right now at this point in our life things are crazy. And I feel like things will never be not crazy. I know that's not true but some (most) days I feel that way. Truth be told, I use to have a routine. When the Hubs lost his job in December, Eli was only 3 months old. Things were still new at home, we were just getting use to having a second child. Things were still chaotic. Well, throw husband loosing his job into the mix and things were a lot chaotic. Now, lets throw moving in with your parents and uprooting everything.. you get the picture. I'll be honest, we just go with the flow right now. So, here is my point in all of this.. one of my biggest fears in homeschooling is not causing my children to be the dumbest kids on the block... I really have no fears of my children not being socialized or being 'weird' (those are ignorant stereotypes, in my opinion). Besides, I know the weird part is a given.. I mean they are our children! My biggest fear is sticking to a schedule, staying structured. If there is no routine/schedule, then there is no structure. And I know there must be structure. I know that I can overcome this and I know that I will overcome this. I know I have another good 2 years before we really get into school with Luke, although I know my little ones are learning now.. learning doesn't start at some magic age! I've got time to prepare myself mentally, spiritually and emotionally (and any other -ally that applies!).

The fact that educating your children is a HUGE responsibility makes me fearful. Homeschooling is how we feel lead to educate our kids but I still have questions that pop up in the back of my mind... Am I ready for this challenge? Can I do this? How in the world does homeschooling even work? Will I fail my children?? Will others think that I am incapable of this task? Will there be those who are against this choice we've made? Will I have support? (ok, I know the answer to this one! Yay, Grace Fellowship!)

I know God has already equipped me for this. I've just got to pray for Him to give me confidence.

Now, it's time for me to get out the denim jumper and ruffle socks.

Haha.. just kidding.


DonnaK said...

girl....I struggle with this too! We haven't come to a solid decision on this....I too have the "am I capable" and "would I be doing them more harm than good" questions (along with many more!!) Also, I am pretty bad at, I would NOT want to get into homeschooling my children without a routine. We have been working on that one! I also wonder if I would be patient enough with them while they were learning...Avery is really good at doing the opposite of what I say even if she can do what I am asking...(did that make sense?) And I know she does better with other people. Anyway, it is something we are praying for guidance about!! I will pray for you as well!

Lisa said...

You'll know what to do when the time comes. It is a huge responsibility and its different for every family. We'll pray with you!

Aimee said...

Hey Crystal, I've got a couple extra denim dresses if you need one!! HA HA!! That is so funny.

Look ,girl, 3 years ago...I said I would NEVER homeschool. Being a former public school teacher...well, that just changed my mind. Enough said.

Today, I would cry if this privilege was taken away from me!!

You have lots of support at Grace Fellowship, seeing how we have a bazillion homeschooled kids!

Molly Flanagan said...

we are going to homeschool too! i know it is daunting!!! i still say "I'm 95% sure"... just because i don't want to mentally commit to it! i know lots of ladies that HS and they all say they are done by lunchtime. not sure what time the get up in the morning... but that alone helps me realize it isn't like i'm going to be forcing cogan to sit in a desk from 7:30-3:30 5 days a week. good luck and try to enjoy these next couple of years of semi-unstructured fun time. ;-)

Jessica said...

Crystal~good for you for already thinking about HS and praying about it. Sounds like you have all the support your going to need between a husband who is in agreement with you about it and a very supportive church where there is a lot of HS.

P.S. love the denim jumper and ruffle socks comment =)

Xandra@Heart-of-Service said...

Good for you! If God is leading you to educate your children this way, then He is going to give you the tools you need to effectively do it. Don't worry about what anyone else says...only worry about what God is revealing to you.