I'm over it.

I'm so ready to wean Eli. It has nothing to do with his age (he's 16mths). I'm just over it. He still gets up once a night, most nights, to nurse. He nurses before his nap and before bedtime. I honestly wouldn't mind nursing him if he was sleeping all night and if it didn't take him FOREVER to go to sleep. He use to be out in a matter of 15-20 minutes. But it's getting increasingly longer. Do you know how long it took me to get him to sleep last night?? Two and a half hours. And I nursed him most of those hours.

I am a big believer that children need to learn to sleep on their own, but I think that a parent has to discern when that time is right. And I'm just not sure Eli is ready... especially since he is so attached to my.. I mean HIS 'night, night'. Luke started sleeping through the night when he was around 8-9 months old. I was still rocking him to sleep and it started taking me 45 minutes to an hour to get him to sleep before nap and bedtime. So, at around 10 months we decided to try to let him cry and see how he handled it. The first night he cried for about 15 minutes (I went in and reassured him that I was there twice before he got quiet) and the second night he cried about the same. By night three and four he was crying 5-10 minutes and at the end of the week it was a whimper at best. After that Luke has always went to bed perfectly and slept all night.

Eli is already a much different story... (in many different ways.. I just fished a piece of chalk out of his mouth and Luke never ate things that weren't food!).

At this stage for me the more he nurses the more annoyed and frustrated I get. I'm just ready for it to be over but I want him to be ready to! After about hour one last night I laid Eli in his bed and said, "I love you but it's time to go to bed." (Don't dare say, "it's time for night night".. since that's what he calls nursing! He came up with that name himself too!). Then he cried.. and I'm talking screaming, mad, crying! He's screaming, "Mommuuuu... Night, night!!!" over and over. But number one, I needed a break and number two, I needed to go to the bathroom! I got in the bed and whined to the Hubs for a few minutes and then went back for round two. I attempted to comfort him, rock him, hold him without nursing him... all the while he's crying, saying 'night night' over and over.. so I finally just give in. By this time I think he was just so overtired that he couldn't go back to sleep easily. So, it took me another good hour to lay him down.. with crying on and off and nursing on and off. It was horrible. I just know I can't do that anymore. It was midnight when I got in bed. And then he was up at 6am.. wanting to nurse again. So, I did and thankfully it only took about 20 minutes to get him back to sleep and he slept until 8. Hopefully he'll take a good nap today.

I honestly don't know what to do but I'm praying. God knows I'm ready to wean him. (I may have told him a few times last night!!) But I'm praying that Eli be ready too. And I'm willing to continue nursing him until he can better understand. And if that's the case, I just pray that we can fix how long it takes me to get him to sleep. I am one worn out Mommy.

To anyone who read this.. thanks for letting me vent. And if you have any advice, I'm all ears. To anyone who wants to offer "16 months is too old to be nursing anyway" or "I can't believe you would let your baby cry".. just keep that to yourself! Please and thank you!

(I added that last part because this post will show up on facebook and well, we all know people like to give their honest opinion of fb!)