Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Pause and Listen.

Today started off like most days. I woke up later than I wanted. I would love to blame it on the 2 1/2 year old who was laying next to me... who happened to wake up too early around the time his daddy was leaving for work. But, I was the one who turned off the alarm, instead of quietly slipping out of the bed.

We finally did get up... I got breakfast for the boys and they watched a little Blue's Clues. I thought, perfect timing for a moment with Him...

I sat down at the table with my bowl of Cheerios and looked at my Bible Reading Plan. I'm using a the year reading plan from Bethleham Baptist Church but I'm trying to do it in 90 days. Remember, I said trying. I decided to start in the Psalms this morning. Psalm 25 to be exact. I got here and I couldn't go anywhere else....

4) Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
5) Lead me in your truth and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all the day long.

I was meditating over these words, praying over these words when Luke came to me and asked me to read him a book about the five senses. This is life. And honestly, I was frustrated. I wanted time alone with Him. But, who was the one who turned off the alarm. Oh, that was me.

As the day went on, I felt the frustration build. I felt like a failure. I had gotten almost nothing accomplished. Toys were everywhere.. the sink was full.. laundry mounted. What had I been doing all day?!

Then I read this and I knew I needed to pause.

So, after lunch I got the boys busy playing and I sat down again.

I prayed. Hot tears fell.

Lord, how do I teach them to pick up those toys.. this house is a disaster, I am a failure... and on and on..

And it was as if He whispered...

Do it with them. You must go to them and do it with them.

And then in those same words, He answered a prayer I hadn't yet prayed. And I echoed...

Lord, go with me. Do it with me. I fail and I need you so. You must do life with me.

With my Bible opened to His Words, again I read...

4) Make me to know your ways, O Lord;
teach me your paths.
5) Lead me in your truth and teach me,
for you are the God of my salvation;
for you I wait all the day long.

And I failed today. And I will fail tomorrow. But I must meet Him. I cannot do it without Him. This journey I am on with Him.. oh, I am a slow learner. But He is so good and so patient with me. And I echo her words... I want Jesus more than anything else.


Jessica said...

So true true.
He will meet us always...He is already there. Always has been always will be. He just wants us to seek Him.

Thank you for sharing

Lisa said...

Just catching up on my blog reading. I love this post. I needed to hear that. Hugs to you!

Christine said...

What a sensitive and honest post. I feel the same way often, being a homeschooling mom of 4, and I want to give the Lord my best. I would encourage you to remember, as I often have to remind myself, that our mission field is our home and sometimes it is worship to just sit down with your little ones and guide, teach, lead and play. The Father smiles down on us moms when we serve our families. Quiet time alone with the Lord is wonderful and needed, but in this season give yourself grace! There will come a time when you will have all the time in the world but no little feet to chase after. :) Your blog is lovely, by the way. Blessings!

GranthamLynn said...

Oh sweetie what a sweet and honest post. And so wonderfully refreshing. I know your 'Daddy' loved that you wanted time with Him. He knows your heart and He knows what you need. And he let you know. He is smiling at you as you make such efforts to seek Him and His will and he wants you to know you aren't a failure and you didn't fail. Because you asked and you listened. And you hear/ed Him. Enjoy those babies He will give you the patience and strength you need. Thanks for sharing your heart. I am Happy to meet you today! I joined Titus 2sdays today. Come by and see me!
Have a Blessed Wednesday and sweetie I will pray for you.