Overwhelmed

I'm feeling like maybe I need to write something that isn't food centered. :) I just can't seem to help it though, I am pregnant!

I have been at a loss for words here lately when thinking about God. It's been hard for me to even try to blog about what has been going on in my quiet, alone times with God. He is so big and so holy.. so much that I am just in awe. At church Wednesday night I felt like I just wanted to run away after the service. I just wanted to be alone and cry. Let me explain...
My hubby has been preaching through Matthew. Wed night he was in Matthew 9 (27-34 to be exact). Much of what we have been reading the past few weeks have been miracles. This message was a little different take on just a plain ol' miracle (OK, so I know there is no such thing as a plain miracle.. but you know what I'm saying!). He of course talked about the miraculous events of the 2 blind men being healed, as well as the mute man who was demon possessed. But then in verse 34, it says, 'But the Pharisees said, “He casts out demons by the ruler of the demons.'." So we looked at the question, Why do some people hear the Word, even see the Word (as the Pharisees did) but yet are not effected by it at all? Then there are others who hear the Word and are changed forever by it. The two groups both hear the exact same things but one sits unchanged and one becomes a new creature. Why? The question can be answered by Scripture.. which, by the way, is the only way to answer a question.
John 6:44 says: "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him; and I will raise him up at the last day."
This is Jesus speaking here. The answer to the above question is simple really. God draws men to Himself. We do not come to Him on our own. It is only through His calling that we would desire to come to Him. We do not seek God. Scripture says in Romans 3:11: "There is none who understands; There is none who seeks after God."
None pretty much means none. You see, if we played any part of salvation, even the seeking Him part, we could boast. No part of salvation comes from us.
Ephesians 2:8-9 says: "For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast."
We cannot boast in something that we did not do. God knew that we would take any credit for salvation if we could. He made sure, through Scripture, that we would know where salvation comes from. Him and Him alone. All glory goes to God for the amazing gift of salvation.
So, do I understand it all? Absolutely not. Who does God call? Why does He call them? When does He call them? I have no idea. But it's not my place to know.
Isaiah 55:9 ~ "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts."
I'll leave the knowing everything up to God and just trust in His Word.
I can say this, I am overwhelmingly thankful for His calling on my life. I feel unworthy when I think about it all. To be called and known by a holy God... this is what makes me want to run away and hide. Why me? I can't possibly ever praise Him enough. I can't possibly bring Him the honor He deserves. I feel like Isaiah in chapter 6 when he declares, "Woe is me, I am undone!"
But the Lord has made me new, and I know that my righteousness comes only from Christ. I find comfort in that, because without Christs' righteousness, I could never come before God as acceptable. Christ makes me clean and presentable before a holy God.
The question that the Lord asks of all of us who have been truly converted is, : "Whom shall I send, And who will go for Us?' " (Is 6:8)
How can we not respond as Isaiah did, saying "Here I am, Send me!". It's not our job to understand it all, but it is our job to go. How can we not obey? He is worthy of our obedience. He is so worthy.

Psalm 42:1-2 ~ As the deer pants for the water brooks, So pants my soul for You, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?