This is where I am now...

As we begin to move furniture into the house this week, my mind has taken me back to all that has happened over the past almost nine months. Not that our circumstances haven't always been on my mind but maybe this week they've seemed to be more magnified. I've thought of all that we've been through.. all that has taken place. The good and the bad... and even the ugly.

I think back to that day that the Hubs was fired. I remember everything about that moment. I was washing my face. Eli was sleeping. Luke was playing in the den. The Hubs was wearing a green sweater. Our life as we knew it crumbled. I know that there are greater things that could have impacted us with greater sorrow. But loss of job, income, home, friends, trust all in the same moment is pretty significant.

Last night the Hubs and I spent the evening vacuuming & wiping out cabinets and putting Eli's crib together that he hasn't slept in... ever. On our way back to my parents to get the kids in bed the Hubs asked me if I ever thought about what our lives would be like if we were still there.. if nothing had ever happened. And to be honest I hadn't really thought about it. I pretty much just told him that things would still be as they were in December.. we'd just be in a different season and the kids would be older. Then he told me something that broke my heart. He said, "I really miss preaching." I know he does... And I miss hearing him preach. That is the thing {one of the only} I miss the most. Publix would be a very close second... just kidding. Tears welled in my eyes as we drove the rest of the way home. My heart hurts for my husband.

I'll be brutally honest. I still deal with bitterness and great frustration when I think of the details of the whole ordeal. I pray that God will deliver me from it and I know He will one day. I don't regret anything that we did or have done after the fact. Every letter we wrote or phone call we made was done with prayer and counsel from those whom we respect. I just wanted to state that mainly because there are often times when you look back on your actions and regret doing things in haste or as a result of emotion.

I'm not sure I will ever understand why God allowed it to happen. I know that it was for His glory. And I pray that through these past months and forevermore we will live our lives completely for His glory. I guess I'm saying that I will never understand why it had to happen the way it happened. It was tough and our lives are still marked by what happened emotionally and financially. I'm still so baffled at how we were treated both directly and indirectly. No one has yet, nor can I ever imagine anyone ever giving me a reason that makes sense. And I am a pretty sensible person. All in all what I've determined is that God's plan was for Robby to lose his job but the terms of the ordeal couldn't possibly have been ordained by Him. I just can't line those things up with His Word. I'm trying to be delicate about details but still trying to make my point. As I've said before, I don't mind sharing details because the truth is the truth but not publicly.

What I do know is that God has been faithful. If I can get anything across through this it would be: He is faithful. He blessed us with family to take care of us. He blessed us with an amazing church that is biblically sound & has a pastor with the backbone (or maybe just the fear of the Lord) to preach the true gospel message. He has graciously blessed the Hubs with his old job and that alone is a miracle straight from His hands. He has taken the old details of our life and made them new. They may not seem better by the world's standards but they are His plans. And His plans are always better, no matter what they entail. Admittedly, I am anxious about the future. Things are going to be different for our family but He will take care of us. I am clinging to His promises.


"Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these things will be added to you." Luke 12:26b-31

Title?? I have nothing!

I'm seriously lacking in the blogging department. I have lacking motivation as far as the blog goes. My blogging has been on the decline ever since moving in with my parents, for various reasons. I'm praying for normal again someday. All I can say is that this has not been an easy journey.

On a positive, wonderfully fantastic note, the Hubs will soon be starting back to work!!! PRAISE GOD! Our prayer since he was laid off has been that he would get his old position back and God has answered that prayer!!! His start date will either be May 11th or the 22nd. Our prayer now is that God will show us how we can live on that job alone (outside my parents home). In thinking about this, the thought has crossed my mind, 'Was I really meant to stay home??" Because honestly, I've worked the numbers, and it really seems almost impossible. I know the answer to that question though and I know God will provide. I have no idea how or when though and that is the tough part. And as cliche as it sounds, it's true: I serve the God of the impossible.

He is my hope. He is my strength. I will trust in Him.


And now I must go to bed... I will attempt to post an update on the kids soon. And I use the term soon loosely.

Only three posts in March??!!

It's been a while since I've blogged. Life has gotten in the way of my blogging time! I always made time when we lived alone because I enjoyed it. I still enjoy it but I feel like I can't just sit down and blog whenever I want or even have the time since moving in with my parents. It's a little complicated to explain. And in the evenings after the kids are in bed I just want to relax with my husband for a little while. Maybe when we have our own place my blogging will be more regular. So, as far as an update:

The Hubs is doing well in the insurance business. We're just waiting for him to get on contract with the company so he can start getting paid for insurance he's already selling. It's hard to see him working so much but nothing coming in. I know it will come though, I just have to be patient.

The kids are doing pretty good. They both have a stuffy nose right now. I think they've inherited my seasonal allergies. Last spring Luke had to take Claritin, twice a day, until about mid-May and we just started that again. He was up two nights ago on and off because his nose was so congested. I remembered we had a decongestant nose spray that the Hubs had bought Eli on accident and used it on Luke last night before bed and he slept good! Eli, on the other hand, did not. He couldn't breath, so he didn't nurse well. He'd get frustrated with that and then be wide awake, instead of drifting back to sleep like normal. So, he slept next to me or on my chest most of the night. I've called the Dr and am waiting on a call to see if there's something I can give him tonight to help him breath. It just gripes me that there are people out there who abused infant medicine which caused all of us responsible people to not have it available! If you know me, I hate to give medicine unless the kids need it. I don't even like to treat symptoms if the boys aren't bothered by them. But when my baby can't sleep or nurse because he literally can't breath out of his nose, he needs something to help! Hopefully there is something that I can give him to help us get a good nights sleep! (update: they called.. and they phoned him in something! YAY!)

In other news, Eli is sitting up! He's been sitting up assisted for a few weeks now but he's actually sitting on his own now. He occasionally topples over but only when he's reaching for a toy that's out of his reach. Luke sat up sometime in his sixth month too. I don't think it will be long before he's crawling... he's already up on his knees rocking back and forth and doing sort of an army crawl. He's just got to figure out how to move those knees and hands in the right order. One word to describe him right now is squirmy! This kid doesn't stay still! He wants to grab everything, climb all over you, reach, stretch, bounce, kick (playfully of course), grab... you name it. He tries so hard to get out of your arms because he just wants to go! I think that's why he's such a tiny thing. He burns all those calories! We started him on solids at the first of the month but he is not really into them. So far we've tried rice cereal, bananas and sweet potatoes. He usually takes about 3 or 4 good bites and that's about it. I would like for him to eat more than he's doing now but I know that he's getting all that he needs from breastmilk at the moment. He'll eat when he's ready, I guess.

And where do I begin with Luke. He'll be three in just a little over two months. He is at this age of constantly wanting to misbehave and be disobedient. As I type (at 9:02 PM) he's upstairs screaming because he doesn't want to go to bed. We have good days and then we have days when I feel like I'm getting on to him constantly! On those days I really have to watch myself. I don't want to react to him. I want to do my best to 'train him up'. It's so hard though because after the bazillionth time, it's hard not to just blow up! Needless to say, I'm praying for wisdom in disciplining him.

As far as I go.. today is day 4 of eating cheese. YUM! Today I had a grilled cheese for lunch.. the first one in about 5.5 months! I've been taking it slow (for more reasons than one, haha!) and Eli has done great. I'm going to stick with small quantities for now. I think we're having pizza Saturday night and I can't wait! I'm not sure what I'll add next, maybe sour cream or yogurt..?

God is doing a lot of work on me right now. Not to say that He doesn't always do a lot of work on me. (He knows how much I need it!) I'm learning a lot about myself, who I am in Christ. Maybe, hopefully I can share more with you about that later. Right now, I'm going to spend some time with the Hubs.

On my mind...

Hi peeps! I just wanted to stop in! I've got all kinds of stuff going on in my head that I want to blog about. Problem is, I can't get any of it to make sense! I start writing and then just get frustrated. Does anyone ever have that problem?? God has done so much in my life over the past month and a half. I'm learning how to trust Him more. I'm learning that He is my satisfaction. I'm learning that my merit comes from Him. I'm learning to live intentionally and more purposefully... purposefully living to bring Him glory in every step that I make. Things right now aren't easy breezy. It's hard. We will be living with the repercussions of the Hubs losing his job for a while... Not just financially but also just dealing with the feelings and emotions that go along with it. People lose their jobs and the financial strain is hard. We were hurt and that's been especially hard to deal with. I find that the moment I think I'm getting over it, that's the moment that something else happens which is a direct result from the whole ordeal. I won't go into detail on this blog for various reasons but I open the door to anyone who wants to talk about it. I'm learning to trust in God to take care of our reputations. I pray we live in such a way that will prove what we are about and that is glorifying God. He is what matters. May he be honored through every circumstance and situation that our family goes through whether good or bad.

List of my thoughts:

1. Eli is rolling over! He was 4 months on the 29th and on Saturday he started rolling over without any help from us! Tonight he was playing on his play mat and ended up on his tummy with half of his body off of the mat! Mom needs an area rug because he's going to be rolling everywhere!
2. We have been visiting a church and absolutely love it! God's Word is alive! Isn't it amazing that it was written so long ago but is relevant and living right now in 2009!? God is so good!
3. The Hubs talked to someone today about job possibilities where he use to work. Pray with us that God will open the right doors and the Hubs will get the job he (we) needs!
4. I'm extremely frustrated with reflux!!! The Zantac isn't working anymore and the med that they want to put Eli on I don't like!! I don't know what to do!!
5. I love my husband for asking a woman in Lifeway if the Bible he was picking out for me was bright/neon or more muted pink (since I did not want a neon pink Bible!). And I'm thankful that he doesn't know different shades of pink! Yay for giftcards and Hubby's who use them for a pink Bible!!
6. Luke has too many toys. When we are able to get a house we are definitely going to be getting rid of some! Santa (who, this year, was in the form of my parents) was too generous!
7. God is beginning to mend my heart. Those who know me well, know that the past month has been so difficult for me. I have been bitter and broken. But God has shown me, just in the most recent days, that He is here. He is with me. He is with my family. He is my rock. He never promised me that things would be easy or fair but He has promised me that He would always be faithful to me.. and He has been. On Christ the solid rock I stand... All other ground is sinking sand...

This is where I am...

Life sometimes brings moments when.....

someone you love will be misunderstood and untruths will be told.

you will want the whole truth to be told but you must trust that God knows man's heart and that is what matters.

you will hurt so deeply because someone has lead others to believe falsely of the character of someone you love so much.

you will have to stop and think, 'did this really happen?'

you will be thankful that your children are too young to understand what is going on.

you will make the best of it and hide your tears because of your precious babies.

you will ask, "Why now, why at this moment?"

you will wonder, 'how would they feel if the tables were turned?'

you will never forget that Christmas.

you will have to make arrangements and decisions that you never thought you would.

you will wonder how someone could treat your family this way with a clear conscience.

you will stand firmly by and believe fully in the integrity of your husband.

you will hate not being able to say goodbye to those you cared about.

your heart will hurt but God will heal.

you will cling to Christ and those precious people He has given you to hold you up in prayer.

your faith in man may waiver but your faith in God will remain steadfast.

This is where I am.

I lift up my eyes to the hills. Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. ~ Psalm 121:1,2

But you are a shield around me, O Lord; you bestow glory on me and lift up my head. ~ Psalm 3:3

God, who has called you into fellowship with his Son Jesus Christ our Lord, is faithful. 1 Corinthians 1:9

My 100th Post - 100 Things About Me!

Happy 100th Post Day to me!

I started this whole fabulous blog back in September of 2007. Why, you ask? Well, I'm not really sure. I enjoyed reading blogs (and still do!) and so I thought this would be a good way to journal my life. I've never been the type to keep a written journal but for some reason this is just easier for me. Who knows why, but it is. One of my main reasons is of course, to keep records of what Luke (and future children) are doing. I'll be able to look back and read things about what they were doing at a certain parts of their lives. The blog also helps keep me organized, but ONLY with my menu planning.. don't even ask me about the rest of my organizational skills because there aren't any! And lastly, I love to blog about my Savior and my walk with Him! I kind of randomly post things, whatever may be on my mind, or in my heart for that day. One day may be all about Luke, one day may be a good recipe I found and one day may be about something I've learned in my quiet time. I hope those that stop by enjoy it though!
My first post is actually one of my favorite posts and I hope that some of you that have never read it will go back and do so. It's basically my written testimony. It really is the key to who I am at this moment and who I will forever be. Praise God for calling me to His Son! Click here to read it.
Now, as I have seen around the bloggy world, I'm suppose to post 100 things about me for my 100th post. So, I've been making a list... hopefully it won't be too boring for you. :) Here they are:

1. My name is Crystal (ok, this is a shameless gimmy, but 100 things are hard to come up with).
2. I'm 26 years old, born October 22, 1981.
3. I've been married to my best friend for 3 1/2 years.
4. We will celebrate our 4th wedding anniversary on October 16th of this year!
5. Our wedding day was just how I imagined! It was a beautiful day!
6. We went to Savannah, GA for our honeymoon and stayed in a cute little carriage house. I hope we can go back soon!
7. My husband is an amazing man! I am so blessed! (On the blog, he is referred to as R)
8. I have one, sweet little boy named Luke.
9. Luke is 22 months old.
10. He was born June 5, 2006, weighing in at 8 lbs and 8 oz and 20.5 inches long!
11. I labored almost 12 hours but when I started to push his heart rate began to drop and wouldn't recover, therefore resulting in a c-section.
12. He was worth every minute of it.
13. I am a stay at home mom.
14. I'm 21 weeks pregnant.
15. My due date is August 29, 2008.
16. I'm praying for a successful VBAC.
17. Before I quit work in April of 2006, I was a nail technician and esthetician.
18. I love being a wife and a mother and devoting my life solely to the work God has called me to do.
19. I know I would be disobedient to God if I worked outside the home.
20. I started going to church with my family when I was about 8 years old.
21. I was 'dunked' at the ages of 10 and 16 but wasn't truly converted until I was 20.
22. God saved me at home one night, in my bed, alone.
23. I haven't been the same since that day. Jesus forever changed me.
24. I am deeply burdened by those who profess Christianity but do not have a supernaturally changed life.
25. I believe that some of today's 'modern' attempts at sharing the gospel is the very cause of the false assurance that so many trust in.
26. I believe in the sufficiency of God in salvation. He does not need our help. He will do the work as long as we are faithful to share His truth.
27. I believe that we should follow Jesus' example at sharing the gospel.
28. I am pro life.
29. I volunteer at a pregnancy resource center a few times a month.
30. Volunteer pregnancy counseling is a way for me to purposefully share my faith.
31. I love grocery shopping at Publix.
32. Publix is a thirty minute drive from my house.
33. Any decent restaurant or grocery store is a thirty minute drive from my house.
34. I do not like Walmart but occasionally shop there.
35. I sleep with chap stick under my pillow.
36. I love Propel Fitness water- the lemon flavor.
37. I love Diet Coke but have only had three since I have been pregnant. And yes, I do remember each and every one of those three.. they were wonderful.
38. I'm reading through the book of Isaiah.
39. I love Subway Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki subs with: lettuce, tomato, pickles, jalapenos, black olives and salt and pepper. YUM.
40. My parents have been married for 28 years.
41. I have one younger sister.
42. She is in China, serving as a missionary.
43. I am SOOO excited that she will be home in June.
44. I am very proud of my sister.
45. When we moved a year ago, I gave away the first pet that was really mine. He was a dog (half Pomeranian/half shi tzu), named Toby and I often wonder how he is doing.
46. My favorite colors are pink and orange.
47. My favorite musicians are Natalie Grant and Shawn McDonald.
48. I am afraid of whales.. they freak me out. They are just too big.
49. I am disorganized.
50. My closet is always a mess.
51. I like to scrapbook but rarely find/make time to do it.
52. I love sitting next to my hubby on the couch!
53. I love to bake.
54. I rarely do dishes after supper.
55. I always do dishes after breakfast.
56. I am thrilled that baby #2 is going to be a boy!
57. His name will be Elijah Chandler.
58. We'll call him Eli.
59. It's bothered me that some seem disappointed that it's a boy and not a girl.
60. I am a night owl.
61. I sometimes wish that I was more outgoing.
62. I have to remind myself to be comfy with my own personality.
63. I love taking naps but usually feel awful after I take one.
64. I have never understood driving at hour to go out to eat, just for the food or the restaurant.
65. I love ice cream.
66. I imagined that my house would be spotless once I became a stay at home mom.
67. My house is rarely spotless or even close to being spotless.
68. I have learned that laundry and dishes can wait but my son growing up will not.
69. I have groceries in the kitchen that need to be put away.
70. I do not have a green thumb.
71. I don't even have a brown thumb, it's more like BLACK.
72. I don't mind though because digging in the dirt is not my cup of tea.
73. My husband is an associate pastor/youth minister.
74. We live in the parsonage.
75. I love that he works right next door.
76. I am not looking forward to this HOT summer.
77. I will be keeping my pregnant self inside in the AC most of the time, I'm sure.
78. I have lived in the south my whole life.
79. I am a huge Crimson Tide fan.
80. I reluctantly bought a maternity bathing suit last week.
81. I have decided that I don't care what people think about my huge belly this summer, I'm going swimming!
82. I do not own a brush; I only use picks/wide combs for my hair.
83. My hair is straight as a board.
84. My favorite Bath and Body scent for all seasons is Cotton Blossom.
85. I love Mango Mandarin for summer.
86. Suave Natural Oatmeal lotion is a must for me after every shower.
87. I have never been out of the country and don't really have a desire to.
88. I teach 10-12 grade girls in Sunday School.
89. I truly love studying and teaching God's Word.
90. Vinegar and baking soda are my household cleaners of choice. They are cheap and safe.
91. I'm having a hard time thinking of 10 last things to say!
92. I hate scary movies.
93. We (R & I) haven't seen an R rated movie (besides The Passion) in probably 6 years. We made a commitment when we started dating to stay away from them.
94. R's words right before he proposed we're, "Ok, let me do this before I throw up."
95. It was very romantic.
96. Seriously, he asked me in the middle of a garden, with balloons and roses and rose petals all around. It was sweet! And he was very nervous! :)
97. My first car was a 1996 black 2-door Saturn.
98. My least favorite chore is cleaning the bath tub.
99. I do not have a most favorite chore. I actually dislike them all.
100. I am going to put up the groceries as soon as I click 'Publish Post".

Well, there you have it. I wish I had a reward for those of you who actually made it through all 100! I included some links to some of my favorite posts in there too. Now, it's time go get busy! Have a great afternoon!

Just a day in the life of...

We've had a pretty normal day around here. Luke and I both slept in because we got in late last night. We had an AWESOME speaker at church. His name is Sean Reece from Heart Cry Missionary Society. Wow, I just loved hearing him. He and his family will be moving to Zambia, Africa hopefully by this time next year. He definitely has a heart for missions and desires for God to be glorified! It was such an encouragement to hear him speak. It's such a blessing to hear from someone who has the same sound biblical doctrine. We also got to see some really good friends of ours too that we don't get to see often. It was just a very encouraging night! Please keep the Reece family in your prayers. Sean will be traveling in May to do some ground work for a few weeks and then the whole family will be moving in about a year. Also pray for the Lozi people that they will be preaching and teaching God's word to.

Today Luke and I have lounged. We have just been under the weather for the past few days. Luke ran a fever last week but by Thursday he was fever free. We were both still coughing though and he also has a runny nose. By Friday R was all stuffy and headachey too. It's just one of those things that doesn't warrant a Dr's visit but can make you feel kind of cruddy! I'll just be glad when we feel better and it gets warmer out! Luke and I both need to get out of this house!

We did do some fun things though. I always try to make our days a little exciting by doing some type of activity, especially if we can't get outside! Here is the artwork Luke did today:

And now, a cute Luke story: Tonight, R and I had baked potatoes with out BBQ sandwiches. So I decided to fix Luke some 'french fries'. I just slice a potato and toss in a little olive oil and salt and bake them. He was SOO excited about his french fries. I pulled them out of the oven and he immediately started wanting them. I explained that he had to wait a while so that they could cool off. So, I'm finishing up supper and I hear something like this.. "mumble, mumble, mumble... Amen". He did it twice before I was able to really respond. It was hilarious! In his little sweet mind he thought.. 'Maybe if I go ahead and pray over them, Mommy will let me eat them', because he knows we always pray before we eat! It was the sweetest thing! I took the opportunity to use it as a 'teachable moment' and explained to him who we pray to. When I told him we pray to God to thank Him for our food, he started saying 'Boat, Boat, Boat.' At first I didn't understand, but then it dawned on me that just this week we had gone over the story of Noah! So, I responded with, "Yes, God told Noah to build a boat."

And Luke said, "Big boat!"

Wow. What a precious moment for me to see that my sweet little boy, at 22 months, is learning God's Word!

Oh Lord, let me teach him to know who You are...

Ramblings about life!!

Happy Groundhog's Day!

Seriously, what's that all about? I have no clue.

We (Luke and I) were off to the mall this morning to have his pictures made. The lady at the Sears portrait place was like, "Oh, is it his birthday??" Um.. no... I am just a terrible mom who hasn't gotten his picture {professionally} taken since he was 10 months old and thought sometime last week that I MUST go have it done now while it is on my mind.. thanks for bringing it up though. :)

Yes, Luke had his 20 months pictures taken today.. isn't that a milestone?? 20 months? I thought so! ;)

So, anyways. I bought him a cute Valentine shirt that he wore for the first portion of his photo shoot. He looked A-Dorable! My mom and dad came.. because they are more comfortable with acting like nuts to make Luke smile than I am. So, we get there and take him back to the little room.. and what does he do?? Start to scream... big crocodile tears rolling down those sweet cheeks. Seriously, at that moment I thought.. 'We are going home with zero pictures today!' Luckily, he got more comfortable and we got some really, really cute pictures. He also sported a dressy casual pair of khaki cargo pants and a faux button down shirt with a tshirt over it.. like all the cool kids are wearing. He was too cute.

So, now I feel like a better mom... he only suffered minor trauma from the photo session. So, it's ok.

This evening while we were getting ready for our fancy gourmet supper (ha- joking), R backed up into Luke and he (Luke) fell. I was standing at the sink washing Luke a pear and saw Luke hit the floor... I knew it was going to be bad. Luke had been playing his harmonica (something his daddy taught him) so he had his hand up at his mouth. He caught himself with his hand but his little mouth hit his hand as his hand hit the floor. R quickly picked him up and I said without looking, 'There's blood.' And there was. It's amazing how much blood can come out of a mouth that little! He never would let me look at it but it did quit bleeding after a few minutes (and gobbling down his pear and chicken nuggets). He does have a puffy upper lip though. I think daddy felt worse than he did.

Thankfully the pictures were this morning!!

So, as far as the pregnancy is going... I'm now offically 10 wks (as of Friday). Thankfully the first trimester will be over soon! I'm praying that this awful taste in my mouth goes away as well as this fatigue! I've been eating ok but it's just so hard to eat when everything I eat leaves such a nasty aftertaste. My poor family has been suffering too. I normally LOVE to cook but I have had no desire what-so-ever to cook. Actually, Thursday when I was getting ready to go to the grocery store.. the thought almost made me gag! I mean I really have to not think about food.. It's so weird. So, needless to say we've been eating out a lot and eating quick fix meals. Hopefully things will get back to normal in a few weeks! My belly is starting to bulge already! Sooo much sooner than last time! I read somewhere that it's because all of my muscles have already been stretched out previously. Lovely.

On a serious note, I am so thankful for this sweet baby! Every baby is a blessing sent straight from God. I was thinking last night just about how amazing God is for allowing me to carry a child.. Robby and I have been given the opportunity to be a part of a miracle (for the 2nd time) and that just blows my mind! Not only does God, in all of His goodness, mercy and grace, give us the opportunity to know Him and have eternal life but He also blesses us with so many other things.. and I believe one of the greatest is being a parent. Oh, what a good God!

I hope everyone has a great Lord's Day!